Daily Devotion

There was suffering this morning. I was longing for departure from all that had occured. I, like Job sought a place of refuge where the endurance of life was no longer in my hands. I sat with my Bible and coffee in the yard overlooking all creation with a haze of little joy. The Bible fell from my lap and Job appeared. Persistent seeking. I read that we blossom like a flower and then wither. This was my morning prayer, for I felt like a frail dry withered flower. I knew God was my first place to calm me. I needed His embrace. His Fatherly arms to hold me close. It truly is the willing that seek him that will find comfort amongst the gray days of our lives. He will restore and replinish. He holds us accountable to come to Him during these time and not turn away to ourselves. We may turn away from each other at the time of our pain, but we must turn to God to restore us to sanity.

There was a passage that I had underlined earlier in my recovery. I had come to understand I had spent much of my life denying my pain. I did not truly tell God how I felt. I was afraid of telling Him how angry I was at all the tragedy. I knew He wouldn't listen to me. I was too far gone. This left me with an overpowering consuming world of worthlessness. I longed for a whole heart. I could grasp it. But it was not for me. I destroyed myself through destructive thoughts and behaviors for years.

Job 9:27-28 If I decided to forget my complaints, to put away my sad face and be cheerful, I would still dread all the pain.

I, like Job have suffered similar circumstances. The loss of children, my worldly goods, a home, my health, my spouse, and the condemnation of people. Praise only to a Merciful God, there is also another similar circumstance...I also abide in the Lord.

Daily Devotion

Be still and know that He is God. I completed my reading of The revelation. As I pondered over the coming, the battle, the rejection, the judgement I began to feel a deep sickening in the pit of my stomach. I pushed through the images of things I could not understand and saw the suffering of people. Plain and simple. The rejection of the human race with angry fist, reminds me of a time I thought of God not loving me. Me not being worthy. It comes from the message of longing for love in a loveless world and trying desperately to make sense of it all. It was only until I understood grace that I no longer sought the approval of others. I no longer "needed" their love to be complete. I was found complete with God. All others just failed me. I have learned that when you are not in agreement with God you are against Him. How can you show Love, If you don't know God's love? His love offers words of kindness not judgement, forgiveness not revenge, peace not anger, humility not pride and the list goes on and on.

I changed my thoughts by the end of the New Testament, for I need not to worry about the time or years of the events. For when I die of this earth, my soul will simply be with my Lord, my Savior. This is my Good News.

Daily Devotion

I have begun the reading of Revelation and have asked God to open my eyes to the understanding. Today's message from Chuck Swindoll was the last of the series on Jesus Christ The Greatest Life. How fitting it was on the promises of the coming of the Lord. Chuck's message reinforced with me to continue a sensible and godly life. I love the way he expanded on two simple words that can change the whole dynamics of a person's life. That's the way Christ works. Romans 12: 2 And do not be conformed to this world , but be transformed by the renewing of your mind , so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect .

As I close out my 90 day reading of the New Testament it leave me hungry for more. Or shall I say thirsty, thirsty for the living water He offer us all. John 4:10 Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God , and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink ,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water ."

Daily Devotion to Understanding

I read the rest of Timothy today. A fitting before venturing into The Revelation. I pondered the moments of Peter's last days and am reminded of Rick Warren's father's words on his departure. "One more for Jesus" Even in the moments of departure from this world, will we long for more of the hardship, when we have asked so many times for "THIS day to be over" I guess it depends if we have surrendered to God's great will for us and have lived the joyful abundant life he promised in that act of obedience. I know in my small time with Him, I have asked Him to have me live to be 100. I long for the days of time to tell others. For once I am gone, my personal testimony is as well. We must trust that we have done the work Christ has commissioned us to for the next generation, otherwise there is much for many to suffer.