Daily Devotion

There was suffering this morning. I was longing for departure from all that had occured. I, like Job sought a place of refuge where the endurance of life was no longer in my hands. I sat with my Bible and coffee in the yard overlooking all creation with a haze of little joy. The Bible fell from my lap and Job appeared. Persistent seeking. I read that we blossom like a flower and then wither. This was my morning prayer, for I felt like a frail dry withered flower. I knew God was my first place to calm me. I needed His embrace. His Fatherly arms to hold me close. It truly is the willing that seek him that will find comfort amongst the gray days of our lives. He will restore and replinish. He holds us accountable to come to Him during these time and not turn away to ourselves. We may turn away from each other at the time of our pain, but we must turn to God to restore us to sanity.

There was a passage that I had underlined earlier in my recovery. I had come to understand I had spent much of my life denying my pain. I did not truly tell God how I felt. I was afraid of telling Him how angry I was at all the tragedy. I knew He wouldn't listen to me. I was too far gone. This left me with an overpowering consuming world of worthlessness. I longed for a whole heart. I could grasp it. But it was not for me. I destroyed myself through destructive thoughts and behaviors for years.

Job 9:27-28 If I decided to forget my complaints, to put away my sad face and be cheerful, I would still dread all the pain.

I, like Job have suffered similar circumstances. The loss of children, my worldly goods, a home, my health, my spouse, and the condemnation of people. Praise only to a Merciful God, there is also another similar circumstance...I also abide in the Lord.